Okay have a very eccentric man. He is very rich. He breaks all the normal convention. He has over 50, 000 in cash in his glove compartment. drives an old beat up car. dresses in a non rich way but very classy almost like he has a vision of 18th century wealthy gentleman.
while i love getting presents, and money and everything like that (who doesnt) it’s sad to see how much it impacts our holidays. i’m not a “ITS JUST ALL COMMERCIALISM. CHRISTMAS DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING” person, because i love the holidays so much.
i love the christmas specials.
i love being with my…
I’m glad for you.
i work retail and i just had a 11 hour shift. for the thursday night sales
i write because i need to. i love this place. my thoughts put on the screen and put on blast for everyone to see. i’m opening my mind for you to see. i have this need to express. validate my existence. life can be cold. i’m finding that i might be completely lost and wrong. my heart has me running on empty. i want you to find me. call me? tell me it can happen. who knows?
I just wrote two pages about someone i hold close. I wrote them something very personal and hopefully uplifting. I tried really hard to express my thoughts and feelings in two pages. there is still more i can elaborate on. i’m really tired havent slept. but i think i just wrote out pure gold.
I feel like taking the time to say thank you to all who have supported me and helped when I needed it the most. Lately things have hit quite the dead end. I am in no way short of ambitions, but I lack will and motivation. I promise to work hard to find the inspiration to move forward, and stop…
I’ve known you awhile, and your ambitious side is what attracts. I wait for the day I stand in fear of you. That day is when you realize that you are much much more stronger than me. You can crush me with a single sentence or with a simple action. My dear you have power I only dream of…
Right now i’m hungry. yes for food…but also for money and power. I hate the state i find my self. Things have to change….wait i mean i have to change things. I’ve got to find the answer. Time to get aggressive, time to get bad, and get mine. I’m about to fuck the system up. I’ve got to look at it, learn it, exploit it, own it. I cant afford to be afraid. I’ve got to chase my dreams, my ideas. Its better to die trying then to be caught scared. This system, this world, is trying keep me in place. Piles of money. I want the feeling knowing there is nothing I couldn’t afford. But money is also just an illusion. it wont have power over me.
I don’t know if the words or inspiration is going to hit tonight. which is kind of sad because i really feel it tonight. i think its because my words wont do her justice. i can say she is the prettiest or the cutest. but that’s just the surface. if i say she is the most amazing person. then you can say I’m full of shit and that I’m just trying to get laid. which in all honesty i cant say is not true on some level. because i do find her to be the most attractive person in the universe. some where along the way i made the choice that she is the one. I’m not talking marriage. I’m talking about the one i want spend my time with, the one i want to take with me, the one where i can say “us” and “we” and “our”. i see her as not just this girl I’m in love with…but this person i need. and by need i mean a partner, a teammate, someone i can lean on. someone i can truly trust. someone i can give everything to, and walk away.
I’m trying to explain. I’m trying to make sense. but i feel that I’m failing. the scary thing is i don’t know if i can be happy with the current status quo. i know i have to make a decision soon. it just hurts to know that i might just have to keep dreaming. everything is just points to that i have to walk away. because she doesn’t feel the same. will she ever feel the same? probably not.
I’m trying to be really honest with my self. I’m trying really hard to see the reality and actuality of the situation. and i hate it. because I’m just the fool who is trying really hard. facing the truth is sometimes the most painful thing. i really wish things were different. i want to be the one. i want to be loved back. its something i want very much and i do believe that i might wait forever. Because whats a lifetime wait for a second of their love? i do also believe a second of their love is worth all.
if you read this ,you know who you are, I truly want to make you happy. i truly want to understand you. i truly don’t mind putting up with your shit as long as you can put up with mine. And want you to ask me to tell you what i truly have in mind. there is something i want to tell you.
I spend alot of my time thinking of you. my life is spent wondering about you. my day is devoted to you. i just wish i had more time in the day so i can spend it thinking of you. i want more than anything is you. so my mind and my focus is on getting you near me. is on getting you to spend time with me. My life.
I’m not going anywhere. I have nothing to show for anything.
And I’m completely alone.
Friends would be nice, but I never feel like I connect to anyone. I have such a difficult time relating to people. It’s ridiculous. I ask myself, am I really that…
I can see where you feel that way…but i know this year i spent a lot of time with you. and i can say that was the best of times this year…and i hope i can end this year with you. i also want you to see that i really make a point to be around you at all costs but sometimes its really hard…like there are thing that i want and i know you cant give and i dont hold it against you… so i go out to get what i want….because i dont want anything you cant give…you are just so precious to me. god you are the most meaningful thing in my life…
Okay guy falls in love with a girl. he sees nothing wrong with her. she is really pretty intelligent. no flaws. she’s perfect too perfect. then he see that people…dont understand her. like she speaks a different language. people kind put off by her. but the guy doesnt understand how people can not see her beauty and her elegance. Guys date her but they just leave frustrated with her. even her family doesnt get her!! but then he does. He figured out her “language”. atleast little bits of it at first and now he is learning more.
Point of story is for the guy to be lucky enough to be able to understand her when other couldnt.
Okay we got the story of Johnny and Brandi. Two lovers caught in very different places, but captured in present tense, but in the present’s time. They both have something to lose, with much to gain. They will attempt fate.
Much not clear in present time, must wait for the start of the show.
Johnny is the ambitious type, Ruthless and Heartless, well not completely heartless, but ruthless none the less. He’s not too proud of the things he does. He does what he must, though.
Brandi is the pretty dangerous type. Her looks and wits make her the power player in her circles. She likes materials and she knows and has no shame in indulging into materials.
They both meet at a thankful evening. Somewhere nice somewhere they can take refuge from glares. They share company and moments together. They seem to share the same idea, let’s hope so. Only they can answer the questions presented.
I need to figure out all the details of my master plan…My Mission. Turn my lifestyle into a productive one. some how take my resources turn them into money and power. I’ll make money I’ll create something from whats around me.
I’m using tumblr as a place for my thoughts. i’m not just going to post things i like. thats not a stab at people who do. i’m just going to be reporting in and checking on my self in way, so to speak. so the theme is i’m getting older. yes i turned 21 still young but further than what i thought i would be. I have to say i thought i would have seen some success by now…but i haven’t. Now i’m just driven to take control. I’m not going to let the landslide bring me down. I’m really trying for a future, that feels unset. i have to try though…i can’t not try. maybe some sense has come out of this rant.
the other day i figured out what made her special, what made her so precious. And i simply forgot. i cant remember, what it was. it fit so well. it wasn’t her intelligence that caught me, or how pretty she is. it doesn’t matter if she has money, a job, a place, a car, or that she even loves me. the more i think about what makes her so, the closer i get to what i forgot.
what makes her special is she is a dreamer, a thinker, a why not person. I know she never shot down a dream. i tell her i want to be a famous actor/director. she encourages dreams. people ask me “why? would you want to be…?(insert reason why it would be hard or wouldnt work)” She says why not that would be fun. she wont ever give you a reason not to be happy. things big or small…bother her and do mean something her. she probably beats her self up worse than anyone could. she thinks more about things in her life and harder than any one i know. She truly is a firework.